Fascination
I realized today that I am 6 months into this crusade of singledom. The time is flying by in a blur of pure fun and flesh. Knowing what I’m not going to feel lets me feel in control of everything. Of course, this comes from acknowledging that I have recently lost that control.
A fellow volunteer in my homeless outreach has piqued my fascination. It’s difficult to describe him. He’s full of art and deep thoughts. He’s so genuine. Everything he says or does surprises me and it’s absolutely intoxicating. It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed like this. The way he puts his hands on me is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. That is as far as I’ve let it go. I like him so much, I’m afraid to have sex with him. In the past, once I had sex with someone, I’m bored after 2 months. My friends have referred to this as the boyfriend shelf-life. I’d like to see him longer than that.
I’m trying to listen more and this person makes me want to shut the fuck up so I can find out everything about him. He is a mystery, but everything I ask is answered honestly. I am fascinated. The last time I said that about someone, I married him. So I think my fear of these feelings is justified. This person was put in my path to teach me something. I hope that I can gain the gift of patience before I miss his lesson.
Professional Driver, Closed Course 