Ex
I don’t try until I’m upset. I don’t try unless I know that if I don’t try, my life will be negatively affected. This feels so unsustainable. What is the definition of trying? The internet tells me that it’s: hard to endure. It’s to just put in an effort really. To try to make things work. Try to change.
My ex-husband, Tony, emailed me tonight and I realized as my current boyfriend was opening the door to our apartment, that I am reliving my life. Tonight, I told my boyfriend that we are breaking up to try to fix things. I said the same thing to Tony. I meant it with him, tonight I just want out.
My baggage is sitting in boxes around this beautiful city view apartment waiting to get moved and I did the same thing 3 years ago. I tried to change. But trying means nothing unless someone sees it. Unless you actually change, right? How do you know if you’re really trying? Is it like losing weight? People know you’ve really tried because they can see your cheek bones? Sometimes it’s not the thought that counts. But what if people don’t notice? I guess I’m asking if it counts if no ones watching.
I want to stop this cycle. I want to stop finding love like this. I’m trying. Please see me.
Professional Driver, Closed Course 